My current favorite dog accounts on instagram (aka further evidence that could be used in court to prove that Jane is bonkers).
@hacth427- I used to like these dogs because their eyes spoke of vast plains of empty space. But suddenly, they started to be photographed on skateboards! With pieces of fruit balanced on their heads! Tummy scritches in video form! They went from vacant golden fluff-balls to camera hams! It’s like the rare occassion when a television show introduces a new person (in this case, personality?), and the show actually gets better.
@chiffonmama- there is this bizarre cult of dogs from Japan with the word mama in their username, the craziest of which is Chiffonmama. A cocker spaniel with a penchant for snoods, Chiffonmama often has the expression of someone who drinks cough syrup for recreational purposes. Sometimes, her owner will create a slide show consisting of 20 nearly identical extreme close-ups of the cocker spaniel’s face, creating a disorienting glitchy flip-book effect. Why? Don’t ask questions— just accept the miracle that has been handed to instagram.
@poodlefukuchan- Poodle Fuku (fuk u?) Chan? This dog can’t be real. Bits of fluff held together by a goofy grin. Liberal usage of emoticons, a poodle fro, sweater vests… the tagline for the account says it all “Follow for poodle fun.”
@QDFKAZ a mysterious puppy instagram— there are dozens of different dogs photographed. I don’t think it’s run by a kennel establishment or anything, because occasionally there will be a lunch picture. The puppies all have a soft limpness to their fur, almost appearing to be photographed with a camera that has had vaseline smeared on the lens (an old hollywood technique). Feels slightly sinister.
marniethedog probably too obvious an account, but look at her! Look at that face! Look!
Honorable Mention: I forget the account name, because I think it was deactivated, but there was this guy in Japan that had a ton of ferrets + toy poodles and he was always laying the ferrets out in rows near the poodles and photographing them, and it was the absolute best. Knowing that those pictures are gone destroys me inside.
Edit: my baby brother is responsible for finding most of these doogle accounts. He is the instadog whisperer!
I found a part-time job in a restaurant, and I’m so happy I’m crying! Wish me luck! Now life will be better (I hope).