I took a week off from making any art last week. It was annoying, but I felt like had to force myself to rest, because I know that when I take breaks, I have breakthroughs. I’ve also been busy with my new-ish job at a restaurant. It’s physically exhausting, but I couldn’t think of a better situation to be in right now. Unless you are independently wealthy, having a steady paycheck while you’re attempting to do free-lance stuff is a huge relief.
Occasionally, someone will ask me “how to live to New York.” And I’ll just be like, uhhh… I’ll let you know when I find out.” I am currently staring at a hole the size of a volley ball in my living room wall, which is stuffed shut with plastic bags held together by duct tape, which, if it had been kept uncovered. would provide a view of the ramshackle stairs that were abandoned mid construction seven months ago, when we had to do an emergency evacuation because the EPA found asbestos.
Being essentially homeless for a week while in the midst of struggling financially to begin with was very difficult to recover from… there were two disorienting weeks during the summer when I was surviving off of a ten pack of rice noodles purchased from Amazon with a gift card that had been given to me by my mother. When you’re so hungry that you’re crying at night/disoriented/shaking all of the time, it’s hard to look for freelance work or a job. My roommates, who were both gone for most of the summer were horrified when I told them, but at that point, I had been sick of telling people what a disaster my life was (terrifying emergency evacuations from my apartments has seemed to have become an annual tradition for me since moving to NYC lolol).
I’m only slightly comfortable sharing this now (a couple months later) because I hopefully have some job security now. It’s also why I did the paid medical study— I wanted to have a safety net. So, for anyone asking how to live/make art in New York, unless you are independently wealthy/weren’t born under a bad sign, find some work where you can get a steady paycheck from a single source, that’s flexible enough to allow you to have enough time to hone your craft.
I’m sure there are people who will read this (not sure why anyone would, but if you are, thanks) and say, “Jane, you dumbass. Move to a cheaper city/use your degree to get a better paying office job.”
I don’t write for those people.
|Me:||Where is the new mourning attire exhibit?|
|Museum Ticket Dude:||Actually, that opens next month.|
|Me (just spent 40 minutes on a train to see the exhibit):||Oh no-- what am I going to do?! (I am three-years-old, and suddenly felt lost)|
|Museum Ticket Dude:||You're going to go into the museum and have a nice time!|
I think I might be a pile of limp dishrags right now. This is the future. You are reading words typed by soiled towels sitting in a corner.
(Just because it’s really exciting to see gf pancake mix at Trader Joe’s, and you’re willing to buy them—even though they are flavored by a festive gourd—doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to eat them. Help nooooo ahhhh).