Hi there, I'm Jane Mattimoe. This is where I go to work out my thoughts.

- I post a lot of my original art work on here, because the alternative would be pulling a Goya, and wallpapering my house with it.

-I'm a painter and a cartoonist who is always up for commissioned work!

-I write about my adventures (which usually involve music, art, and New York City).

-Currently attempting to write a novel (don't ask about it...).

-I like creative punctuation;

-I am physically incapable of getting a tan.

-I moved to Manhattan on two days' notice.

-But now I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

After 14 hours of sleep and probably gallons of water yesterday, I feel pretty much normal, post study. The end.

After 14 hours of sleep and probably gallons of water yesterday, I feel pretty much normal, post study. The end.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Follow-up to yesterday’s insane medical study essay.

I feel sort of obligated to write this because the reaction that I’ve been getting from folks is “that sounds like so much fun! Sign me up!” I have to say, that though the study was performed in the best possible way that it could have been in that situation, it was not fun/ I haven’t quite decided if it was even worth it. Also, upfront— don’t feel sorry for me. I made a decision and anything that came from it is on me.

I will admit that though I made light of the situation, I was kind of terrified going into the study. I hadn’t found out that I’d be on any kind of drugs until the day before I was going in, and I think if I’d known sooner, I might not have done it. In my personal experience, I tend to react very strongly to substances, so they’re not a good idea for me personally. I think I didn’t quite realize how nervous I was before the study, but it’s written on my face in a stress rash/I think I lost ten pounds of water weight last night, that I think were retained as another form of stress reaction? Probably tmi, sorry.

While I was writing the essay yesterday, I kept mentioning that my arms were shaking. That was because I hadn’t eaten anything but a mini peanut butter cup since eating a light breakfast 14 hours or so prior. I felt so “happy”, however, that I didn’t care. I wouldn’t quite call it happiness— it felt almost manic, like I was happy in a way that was almost scary.That feeling came in and out throughout the experience and kind of masked how I think I was feeling, which was frightened. In addition to the extreme highs, I also experienced an extreme two-hour low— during the final catscan, I felt so sad, that I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep my head still for the scan because I was crying so much (but for whatever reason, I kept blaming the cold air for the tears when they asked if I was okay).

I tried to go to bed early last night, because I had work today, and though I had been informed that I would have minor trouble sleeping, I wasn’t able to fall asleep until 6am. I was woken up by my alarm set for 6:05 am. I was able to make it through an eight hour shift working on my feet in a restaurant without spilling anything or feeling like I was unable to do my job, but it was brutal. Despite drinking a ton of water (as well as trying to make sure that I had a little salt to keep my electrolyte balance stable), I felt severely dehydrated— my throat was parched to the point of pain. I tried forcing myself to eat, but still hadn’t regained my appetite. After getting off work this afternoon, I fell asleep for five hours fully dressed with my lights on, and probably would have slept through the night, if my roommate hadn’t knocked on my door to ask me a question.

While I’ve never been one to have a spare thousand dollars, if I had known what I know now, I would not have done it. Again, this is my personal experience, so maybe after reading this, the many people who have messaged/asked me about this on facebook will still want to pursue a medical study of this nature. I’m glad that a lot of people seemed to think what I wrote was funny, it was intended to be, but I want to make sure that everyone knows that there is a difference between “funny” and having fun. I also don’t want anyone to worry— I clearly am fine if I’m able to write an essay, and I think after getting sleep and finally eating properly I basically feel like I have a mild hangover. I think tomorrow will probably be brutal again, though I have the day off.

I’m glad that I wrote that essay yesterday, because it’ll be a good reminder I think. I generally think it’s boring when people purposely go on drug-fueled writing endeavors, but I think I’m less judgmental about it than I came across in my writing yesterday.

Funny, during the study they kept asking me the meaning of “All that glitters isn’t gold” (among other cliches), I think to see how my cognitive skills were affected throughout the day. Well…

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Writing About Doing a Medical Study Involving Taking Speed While Still on the Speed that I Took For the Medical Study.

Okay, so everything is currently too fast right now, so this will be a bit of a mess. Also, I am not someone who takes drugs recreationally ( you know, Salvidor Dali, “I don’t do drugs, I am drugs.” (I am a grandma/nerd/if I was punk I would probably identify as straightedge??/remember that girl from Freaks and Geeks who gets high off Jesus? I feel that way about painting which is probably weird. Moving on.). So being on speed for the first time is overwhelming and bizarre and don’t expect this to be a polished masterpiece, okay?

When I was super broke and literally living off of basically potatoes three times a day (over the summer), I signed up for a medical study that I found on Craigslist. I had done some preliminary MRI scans over the past month, but today was my day to shine (oh god did I just type that?).  Overall, the studies will pay about $1000, and though I do have a nice job now (which, if you employ me, I would never do anything to affect my job performance, and specifically asked if I would be able to do my job well tomorrow before signing on officially, because I really love where I work. Cool). I figured a little savings wouldn’t be terrible. I’d come so far, and it felt like I had to unlock the final level of a video game or something (not that I am irresponsibly comparing medical studies to games). I figured I’d basically sleep in a machine for eight hours, like Tilda Swinton did with that box in the MoMA (this is funny, because one of the question they asked me was if I thought I was rich and famous, okay, whatever, it is funny). However, the day before they said, oh and you’ll be on amphetamines (which I think the street word is SPeed? But if I know a slang word for drugs it isn’t relevant probably? MEssage me what it’s called now, you crazy kids).

Isn’t this supposed to make me focused? I feel like ahh everywhere all at once. Don’t do speed ever. DOn’t follow my example ever. THis is terrible. NOt going to bother fixing the caps issues here. Also, I will use this intermission to say that all of the doctors there were fantastic people. True pros. I kept saying “good job!” to them, which was probably rude to say to medical professionals— they know they’re doing a good job!

Okay, back to the study. I woke up at six in the morning to take a long train ride to the hospital (not saying which one, cause I don’t know if I”m allowed to?). I wasn’t allowed to have any caffeine before hand (I usually drink tea, because people who know me well now that I can not handle coffee. which is what makes me being on speed hilarious probably). They performed some blood tests, another pregnancy test (despite taking one when I was there yesterday for paperwork— glad somebody thinks I have an active sex life). I then had a saline IV drip stuck in my arm (to keep me from dehydrating. I also have baby veins that have plagued me my entire life— they had to bring in a special nurse to administer it because my veins probably belong in a small child. Somewhere, there is a five-year-old with my almost 25-year-old size veins (dropping a hint that my birthday is next month). Here is a picture of me with it in (I thought a bathroom selfie would be extra pathetic/hilarious— this is all hilarious okay? To me at least, I can’t claim to know your subjective view on my writing and this is too long help!


I accidentally made that face that I hate when people make when they think they are being funny. I am ashamed. I thought I was being funny.

Did you know the Polish artist Witkacy would paint on drugs to see how they’d affect his work? Not into that. That’s lame. I love his art though. MIxed feelings. SOrry I’m doing this, but people keep asking!!!

So I did an initial cat scan (maybe it was a pet scan?), and they made a special helmet out of plaster to keep my head in place. That was relaxing but I really needed to use the bathroom, but ceased to need to use it as soon as they offered me a bedpan. Really into the miracles of indoor plumbing. I think my arm still hurts feels funny from the iv drip? Okay I’m still focusing!  I got to keep it, see??


Important paragraph break because this was my favorite part. I look very happy. I match the picture behind me sort of, huh? Glamour!

OH, where was I? Yes okay so blah blah that happened, and then they led me to a room and were like, now you take the speed and we wait two hours. I didn’t feel anything at first, but then I realized that I was talking to ten different people on facebook chat and autocorrect wasn’t quick enough for me to bother with it. I think I told somebody that “I [felt] like a million people.” I feel like about 20 now? My arms are buzzing— is this normal or psychosomatic? The researchers were incredibly nice and I think I accidentally told them all of my secrets (but like fifth-grader level dorky secrets. I need to work on having cooler secrets). I would make a terrible spy (OR WOULD I???)

Before I forget— I kept asking the kindly researching to write this down cause I thought it was super neat— every time they gave me a saline injection, I swear to goodness, I smelled dry erase markers. They said it could be a form of synthesesia, but I won’t claim it because that seems like the lamest synthesesia ever (Cna’t spell but we’ve come too far for spell check). Another hilarious fact— I was being compared against people who smoke weed on a regular basis who were also found on Craigslist, and NOT ONE OF THEM ASKED IF THE AD WAS A COP STING! Am I just paranoid (part of why I don’t smoke myself/it makes me feel dumber than usual, which why the hell would you want that), but geez! Protect yo neck!

This is too long, and you are probably no longer reading, so I’ll try to wrap it up— I was pretty euphoric (couldn’t stop talking, but that’s pretty normal for me), and then I went back into the scan. For whatever reason, I got very melancholy. Like teary-eyed, thinking of people I miss or regret not seeing more often. After about eight hours of tests (this is literally the worst pacing ever for writing, so sorry), they paid for me to take a cab home. I became excited again (because they let me keep the helmet and gave me peanut butter cups) and I think became friends with my cab driver? He gave me his card? Learned cool facts about taxis (it’s sorta like owning a small business, but I should probably write about that another day).

So now I’m home safe— I have one more MRI to do to complete the study. Though again, everyone was wonderful, I most likely won’t do another study. The money isn’t as easy as it sounds, and “easy” money is a slippery slope. I would not do a study for a “for profit company.” I liked knowing that I was working with a top notch  university’s medical system, with data that could actually help people, and that hopefully won’t be skewed to fit the needs of big pharma. And again, I am not in the least trying to be a role model. I will not be doing any more studies that involve taking drugs, because, I dunno, again, slippery slope. I am personally not into causing yourself harm (I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t know it was low-risk). I am probably forgetting tons, and I still feel jittery and gross, but less weird than I did when I first started writing this, which is good. Not going to edit or reread this until after I post this, because I want it remain in the speed mindset. Posting with trepidation, because I don’t want to seem reckless/feckless (I keep repeating that). Also, don’t want to be that girl at the party who’s like Ahh my first beer, I’m so drunk, and acts ridiculous, and it turns out she drank like a root beer or whatever.

The moral of this story is: don’t give Jane amphetamines (jk jk, hopefully I’ve learned something more than that from this experience).  think I wrote all this in twenty minutes. The end.

My one and only edit: I think why I was such a mess was that the amphetamines made me forget to eat for 14 hours. I am feeling a lot better now (don’t worry, Mom).

I did a medical study where I had my brain scanned while on speed (which I’m still feeling terribly) and all I got was this custom-moulded cat scan helmet, a lasting fear of amphetamines, and a $1000 check in four to six weeks!

I did a medical study where I had my brain scanned while on speed (which I’m still feeling terribly) and all I got was this custom-moulded cat scan helmet, a lasting fear of amphetamines, and a $1000 check in four to six weeks!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The most useful video for learning how to ink EVER.

Watched an hour and a half long YouTube video on how to ink properly, and now I know how to ink properly!

Watched an hour and a half long YouTube video on how to ink properly, and now I know how to ink properly!

Sunday, September 14, 2014
Reminder that there’s a castle in Central Park.

Reminder that there’s a castle in Central Park.

Saturday, September 13, 2014
De stijl du jour.
Imagine a world where his eyebrows are inked in.

De stijl du jour.

Imagine a world where his eyebrows are inked in.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Best-Kept Secret: Flannery O'Connor, The Cartoonist

"The satirical cartoons are somewhat reminiscent of ones featured in magazines like The New Yorker (she even submitted a few to them, though they weren’t interested)”

Okay, so I guess I don’t feel so bad that I haven’t sold any yet…How are you gonna reject mothafukin Flannery?

#Fbf Painted this exactly a year ago. One of the first paintings I did where I thought it looked aight.

#Fbf Painted this exactly a year ago. One of the first paintings I did where I thought it looked aight.

Thursday, September 11, 2014
I made a cookie.  Might be more of a Yule Log though.

I made a cookie. Might be more of a Yule Log though.

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